Still hasn't hit me..

As I sit here apart from my body aching and the fact I can't stop yawning it still doesn't feel like I just worked 8 hours! (I was kicked twice, hit in the face also twice and hair pulled all by the one boy :S) It also doesn't even feel like today a friend has been lost.. As I sat on the floor with kids all around me a friend informs me of another friends passing as the road decided to take her life last night.

I wish I'd never seen her facebook page.
My partner is friends with her and I deleted all my contacts a few months back now and hadn't gotten around to re-adding others who hadn't added me first. I wish I could write a comment to her like everyone else, one that will never really make it to her. I can hear her laugh, I can see her smile. I hate that I don't have the chance to be her 'friend'. I am so mad about it all. AUGH!

So this will be the comment that will never really make it to you darling girl..

As years pass and people's lives move on ours drifted apart. I quickly push the thought of how I hadn't really seen you all that much these last few years. I don't want that to be the way I last remember you. The distance. Still you and crazy (you know, in a good way) but I want to remember you as the friend who was always there for me, as you were for so, so, so many. You were so strong and always there to help people. I have often thought back to the times where we mucked around on journallive documenting our lives and silly dramas. I loved thinking back to the times we hung out under the carport for weeks on end on the old couches eating crappy junk food and sculling 3L of crisp apple juice and swearing we'd never drink it again. I love remembering dad's nicknames for you such as stiff-knee as he hobbled along and how he thought he was so funny, and we only laughed cause we were laughing at his silly stupidness. I remember the times I cried and you always were there with hugs and notes of encouragement. We got up to all bits of mischief. Our sleepovers. Our adventures.

All of the memories, all of our memories, I will hold them close to my heart x
Love you, you crazy woman!

I hope all these little messages reach you.. somehow.