They say yeah it probably will hurt once you've gone through labour... Take your time... it get's better each time. What if it doesn't? What if I'm still bleeding/in pain/having procedures done such as a biopsy? Where is my 'free parking' card? Or at least 'pass go, collect $200' card - we all know we could use the extra money!!
There is no break is there? I'm sure there are people out there whom resume heck, probably hours after giving birth but I for one have lost my libido. If I don't feel respected, loved or happy before, during or after why should I feel pressured to resume this torture more than once a week. As soon as I had given birth here was my midwife talking to me about contraception and asking had we tried having sex again yet. As soon as I went to the lady to talk about what form was best suited for me and my lifestyle the question popped up "Have you had sexual intercourse yet?", when I went to get the contraception put in place at the clinic the question was asked again. Doctors, friends... even my bloomin' mum asked me! I felt like jumping up and yelling with my hands up in the air "Are you all insane?!"
I didn't go through a particularly 'traumatic' birth but by golly the one word I'd use to explain birth is funnily enough 'traumatic'! Now having had sex (yes, i'll spare all the details) I think, well maybe I could have partaken in this activity -of which I had almost wiped from my memory completely- a lot sooner. Yes it was uncomfortable and yes I did feel quite ill (perhaps queazy could be a better word) after from the discomfort. Makes me sound like a right woos.
Lot's of studies suggest, and "doctors" out there recommend booking in a scheduled sex time. Does anyone else do this? What about timeS.. as in more than twice a week? I'm not sure I can just yet.. Doesn't help I barely have time to sit down and breath let-alone lie down if you get where I'm going.
This is what I have to base my thoughts on.. Have a go too if you'd like. Based on this woman whether she's right, actually an expert or what. I haven't looked into it because I feel there is no rule to this. This is a completely personal opinion type topic. There's no one who can prescribe you a cure is there? Out of her 7 points.. not even half of them are looking good for me today.. eeeek help!
Looking back now everyone was concerned or curious in their own way. For health, contraception or purely because they cared. Mum later explained that she was just asking because she understands how important it is in a relationship to maintain that physical connection. I know this. I am just a big woos when it comes to pain (and really it didn't even hurt.. my biopsy hurt way more than that!) and wanted to put it off for as long as possible and that's easy when you don't care if your bit's closed up and you could never have sex again!
Tell me how you solved the big sex debate! Have you ever felt pressured or ill at the thought of sex? When did you begin having 'regular' sex again after a baby?
I haven't had sex since giving birth. I think I only stopped bleeding about a fortnight ago (birth then the Mirena bleeds). I have heard that this sex issue is common though.
ReplyDeleteI have different circumstances to you in that I'm not in a relationship and I knew I was being cheated on for a good portion of my relationship while I was in it so I didn't want to have sex knowing that I was that valueless to him.
I generally have a very high sex drive though and I can honestly say that I just don't want it ever anymore. Maybe when I'm a bit more settled into being a parent? Maybe when this relationship stress settles down?
My brother always says 'all relationship problems start in the bedroom' and I'm not sure how true that is but I know that once sex stops people stop feeling loved and secure in their relationships to I guess that making a 'sex date' is a good idea.
Just try pick a night where you aren't tired from being spewed on, pooed on, snotted on, cried on, milked - where you've actually had a shower and shaved your legs and put on deodorant - where you've got nice underwear and don't feel all stretch markey and chubby - when you aren't all scared that your vagina is somehow different and disgusting etc etc
phew!
Wow what a response! Love it and thank you! Yeah well I was never a hater (hence why there's a little being now all over my life hahaha) but I'm just hating right now.. Too time consuming (even if it was a minute). I really do hope it changes and I'm sure it will over time. Will have to if i want to increase the troops! :S :D
ReplyDeleteI wish you could see my face right now!!! The one friend I talked to after having my girls about sex said that her and her partner had never stopped having sex and she had never said no! You make me feel like Im not a complete nutcase lol. I think the age gap between our two is kind of evidence that we were having sex pretty soon after Isabella was born (I still dont understand that as I was so sore/sleep deprived!) but after Sienna phew well hubby had to wait a while. Now (and Im hoping this isnt TMI) I have to make an effort because otherwise it would never happen and it really is good for a relationship.So you know what?I make sure the girls are well and truely asleep,because lets face it crying children are NOT an aphrodisiac!I shave and make it so Im in the right frame of mind,not thinking about housework or the kids.
ReplyDeleteBut all I can say is WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD! Bubs wont be this age forever and your libido will return :)
-by the way thank you for being so honest about things most of us just never ever talk about!!Your a breath of fresh air
Cool thanks for sharing, hey never TMI for me :D I have to take out so much stuff before I post a post!!!! All would be shocked at my true thoughts! That helps clear up my thoughts :) But I have heard of others who do just keep sexing it throughout and after and like no one who had found it had all vanished somewhere. I think what made it hard was that a lot of prenancy things said that I was likely to be increasing in interst in the bedroom and when it didn't go that way he became confussed because it's not what he had expected.. But he's done well :D
ReplyDeleteHaha that's okay, I wish I try to be as honest as I can be so that I can 1. find out if there are others out there who feel the same/have helpful information etc and 2. so that others can not feel alone (like I often do) in the feelings/experiences that I seem to stumble on (and through)!