Monday, 5 September 2011

Screw being a mum some days.

Today is one of those days.
I want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
The only problem is 'one of those days' keep turning into 'one of those weeks'..

Give it another week and it'll turn into one of those months.

Now when I say I want to sleep and never wake up again I don't really mean I want to die.. so don't try to read in between the lines here! I really am just so exhausted that my body and mind feels so weak. I don't even know how I'm bloody managing to carry on like this!

My little button is crying all the time! So many people say he's just teething or he's still getting over being sick but I really just don't thinks so.. Call it whatever you want but I think it's mothers intuition. He could be though. It's just like the blasted squeaking noise that comes irregularly from my car. I have no idea what's making that noise (it recently had a service and 2 warrant of fitnesses over the duration of 'the squeak') so I have no bloody clue what outfit to take it to to fix it. It's driving me mad and some days I worry it could be something serious.
In that aspect I'm stuck.

Just like 'the squeak' Im stuck with what to do with this broken little button. Last night he cried from 2am until 7am. On and off and in his sleep. Other nights I've had continual grizzling in his sleep making me lie there awake unable to sleep. I could go in another room but I don't want to if he's like this! I've tried co-sleeping 2 nights in a row and it made no difference apart from not having to get up to put in the dummy back in! I didn't want to do that for too long either because I don't want that to become a permanent want for him and then I'll be fighting to get him out of my bed forever more (maybe not but I don't want to run the risk) well, until I train him to be able to sleep on his own again.

I just don't know what to do and who to see to be able to help me..! I can't go to the Family centre to help with sleep cause they seemed to be fairly useless when it came to helping if they didn't see the problem happening right in front of them. He sleeps pretty good during the day. Just cries all between being up, might be happy for a little while maybe! It also doesn't help that when anyone else is around be it them, my mum.. his dad, my friends or whoever he seems to be okayish.

And he's sweaty.. He gets too hot, he sweats. Lately he's been a little bit sweaty/sticky feeling even if he's starting to get cold.

God I just don't know. Screw being a mum some days. They sure were right when they said it's the hardest job... like ever. Sometime I can feel myself turning a light shade of green when I think of those mums who have it all together and make motherhood look just as easy as breathing. But I know at the same time I wouldn't want it any other way.

On a more positive note it's a freaking gorgeous day! I'm inside and it's so hot I'm in a singlet and skirt... And it's only a ew days into spring. I always can never decide if I like summer or winter better...

-The snow
-Hearty warm dinners
-Snuggly nights in bed
-Better fashion (normally)
-Easier to warm up than cool down in most situations
-You can have really long hot showers

-The nice weather brings your mood up
-You don't have to wear as much
-The beach
-Summer treats like icecream
-Washing takes quicker to dry
- You don't (well I don't) get sick with colds and crap
-Christmas, my birthday etc etc etc

I really never can decide... until today.
I officially can say Summer is number one.
But Winter is a very close second.

Mount Ruapehu : NZ - 2008

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