Thursday, 23 June 2011

I don't like to give up. . at all.

I'm not a 'quitter'. I hate giving up. Especially when I'm forced to or there's no other obvious option.

I'm afraid to say I'm going to give up breast-feeding.

I don't want to. If someone could say, hang on! Here, take this and your milk will be back to normal. .  I'd even be stoked with being engorged again. I can handle that! But what makes me sad is that I just have nothing. Well. .  I can do almost a whole feed first thing in the morning but I just feel maybe it's adding stress to everything. I mean who's to say I'm bad for stopping and turning to the bottle? I sure know there'd be a huge outcry at the breast-feeding society* and an angel would die because of my decision.. one for each breast** I can already hear them crying. . Oh wait that's just me.

I want to fix my milk supply so bad but nothing seems to work. It was at least not getting any worse (or better) for ages. .  so I had a decent something to give. I'd say I'm at 30% performance compared to the whole 150% I had the first few weeks of being a mum.

Maybe it's because I changed from demand feeding?
Maybe my body didn't like that.
Maybe it's because I  expressed and that put me off swing?
Maybe my body didn't like that.
Maybe I missed to many feeds over the course, and my body didn't like that.

It just sucks the cards I was dealt.
Why can't everyone just have the same stable amount throughout? I just don't feel ready to let go of it yet but I feel there isn't any other choice if it's possibly making things stressful, taking all energy I do have to create the little milk I do have. I don't like giving up. I know giving up doesn't make you a failure. . I just feel so crap about it all I feel like the milk coming out, that he's drinking, is just rubbish now :(

Why couldn't I be good at just ONE thing? Just one! If I can't get the sleeping and everything else to do with mothering right. .  why not just this?

What advice does anyone have regarding breast-feeding? Did you have a milk supply problem? Any tips for easing of breast-feeding in the most simple way. . What if I get mastitis? I don't know if I can let go. .  I can just see my self holding on to one last feed when my breasts are bursting at the seams. .  Advice???

Search "giving up" on google or something as an image search. Go on. Do it when you feel like you need to give up. You wont want to after. .  how encouraging!

"When the world says give up, hope whispers 'try it one more time..'"
"There is a difference between giving up, & knowing when you have had enough."

They just make me feel guilty. .  I know I shouldn't but I don't know what else to feel when I have to. .  Or do I not? Can someone please tell me?

* - fictional 
** - also a fictional idea

3 comments:

  1. I think you should not think about the people trying to guilt you into continuing. Do what feels right for you and you alone. While you feel so uncertain and so unhappy stress hormones are released into your milk which could be why feeding has become a stressful time for baby as well. My advice would be to think about what you want to do for YOU and ignore the guilt-trippy tarts who things just came easy for.

    Maybe keep up your current feeding routine until you have decide though - so your breast supply doesn't stop if you decide to continue.

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  2. http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_gallery.html

    I found this gallery that sort of demonstrates what you're talking about. Everyone seems to think their choice is the only choice that should be made which really doesn't seem to be helping anyone at all!

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  3. Thanks! Will check out the link tomorrow, did see it but alas no time and the time i had was consumed by twitter and new posts-so behind!!

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