Still hasn't hit me..

As I sit here apart from my body aching and the fact I can't stop yawning it still doesn't feel like I just worked 8 hours! (I was kicked twice, hit in the face also twice and hair pulled all by the one boy :S) It also doesn't even feel like today a friend has been lost.. As I sat on the floor with kids all around me a friend informs me of another friends passing as the road decided to take her life last night.

I wish I'd never seen her facebook page.
My partner is friends with her and I deleted all my contacts a few months back now and hadn't gotten around to re-adding others who hadn't added me first. I wish I could write a comment to her like everyone else, one that will never really make it to her. I can hear her laugh, I can see her smile. I hate that I don't have the chance to be her 'friend'. I am so mad about it all. AUGH!

So this will be the comment that will never really make it to you darling girl..

As years pass and people's lives move on ours drifted apart. I quickly push the thought of how I hadn't really seen you all that much these last few years. I don't want that to be the way I last remember you. The distance. Still you and crazy (you know, in a good way) but I want to remember you as the friend who was always there for me, as you were for so, so, so many. You were so strong and always there to help people. I have often thought back to the times where we mucked around on journallive documenting our lives and silly dramas. I loved thinking back to the times we hung out under the carport for weeks on end on the old couches eating crappy junk food and sculling 3L of crisp apple juice and swearing we'd never drink it again. I love remembering dad's nicknames for you such as stiff-knee as he hobbled along and how he thought he was so funny, and we only laughed cause we were laughing at his silly stupidness. I remember the times I cried and you always were there with hugs and notes of encouragement. We got up to all bits of mischief. Our sleepovers. Our adventures.

All of the memories, all of our memories, I will hold them close to my heart x
Love you, you crazy woman!

I hope all these little messages reach you.. somehow.

(paid) working woman, once again!

Although motherhood is a job with many rewards and one would say it's "pays" for itself over and above. This is true. Over worked and underpaid is sum it all up kinda motto.

I find myself in discussions often about how I'm finding motherhood and I it is surely hard work! I knew it was going to be but it's hard to explain to a non-mum! It's a different kind of hard.. a different kind of tired! It's harder than I thought and more demanding but I guess when you haven't really gown up around babies and experienced them hands on you're not really sure what to expect!! Very much like my midwife warned "I can't really prepare you for birth and what it's going to be like for you, you really just have to go through it to know!" I really think she was right!

Tomorrow though I'm (excitedly and nervously) going back to work for the first time. It's only part time, but I think it really is a thing to celebrate after not working for 8ish months! I'll be all ready before I go to bed early tonight. This will be the first time going to work with a bay, not only do I have to be prepared but i have to have the wee button prepared! I know a lot of the time you never know what's going to happen timewise when you have a baby, they always seem to set you back... most of the time an hour or so! Lunch is already made (just leftover dinner: pasta and orzo with pumpkin and silverbeet in a carbonara sauce yuummmm!) and bags are packed so all I need to do is the normal routine in the morning then I'm out the door!

SO EXCITING!