Hurled into the world of single motherdom.

When I woke up today I did not expect this. I actually kept telling Flint "We're going to have a really good day today aren't we?" Purely to just mean he wasn't going to cry literally all day (3-4 hours all up of nice playtime quietness.....) and that I was going to feel quite good as a mum, not like a I-want-to-throw-you-out-the-window-in-a-minute-but-not-literally mum. One minute just having a nice early morning and almost settling my button and then "Huh? What's that banging noise?" Oh it's just my partner with a furniture mover.. took me a few seconds to click. Hang on, we're not moving until Saturday.......... Then it hit me.

So that's the moment I was hurled into this world of single motherdom.

Without going into details that don't need to be gone into this could be a good thing.. This could be the wrong thing. If it's a good thing how long before it turns into a bad thing.. or vice versa.

I just don't like surprises and uncertainty. That's all that my day has been full of. We both have a lot to work on. Both very different things. So now in this empty house unexpectedly alone. I don't know if this is for good, of if it's permanent but I am worried that by the time we each sort our stuff and get our lives rolling again it'll be too late and it would have all moved along.

I know I love him.. which is making this way too hard.

Anyone looking in the window would say "Oh dear, she's bloody beside herself isn't she?" That would be an understatement of the moment! My heads going crazy and I've had a headache from thinking about it all. My eyes sting.... So now my family of four has now turned into a little family of three.. just little button, Rusty (the dog) and me.

: (



Side note: I just realised when I had created my Google + page the other week I accidently deleted all the albums linked to my google account.. making my page come up with those bloody stupid blue question mark squares as if they're asking how could you be so silly?! Damn it! Bare with me.

Days like these..

Now would be the perfect time to say being a stay at home mum is easy if you want to get in a really big argument.

Yeah some day's are cruisey and most things go how you'd like. But you still don't get a lot done! Someday's everything goes to complete and utter crap.

So of course on the crappiest day I have to pour boiling water over my hand. Thankfully it's okay cause i left it under the water for like 10 minutes despite a hungry crying baby. Sometimes you have to put yourself first just for a few minutes.

Today is a crappy cold miserable day. At least if the weather guy was right it would be sunny and might just make life not seem so bloody bleak! I really wish I could just curl up in bed forever!

I need Starbux - a white chocolate mocha frappuccino thanks! No cream but carmel drizzle please and if i were you today wouldn't be the day I'd put crap all in there and stuff it up by putting cream on there anyway - EVEN though you just asked me. . . .  Squeeze that caramel everywhere if you know what's good for you!

I need a million hugs. Not just from one person cause that just doesn't feel the same. I need to feel loved by many I feel. .

I NEED to sleep.
I feel worse and worse each day.

I keep falling asleep almost every feed. I try to go to bed early but time just escapes me. I have THE worst bed - thank god we have a new one on the way! It's old. Crappy (on wheels!?!? how 60's) and wobbles like a waterbed on a fault line. But boy does that bed look good right now. I'm one for perfectly straight sheets with the blankets matching up and a tight fitted sheet. But the crumpled loose mess state that it is in.. hell I'd take it even if there was a hobo in there.

I really need help!

Why is my lil boy suddenly not sleeping well.
He's had a 'cold' for 5 weeks now.
All the doctors say is let him rest, keep him warm and give him paracetamol.
He wont - he sweats when I put more than one layer on - run out and pamol is crap.

Gaah. Whatever.. maybe todays not the day to blog. Or to be talked to either. Today, there's no right side to get out on. Just call me moody mum, i'll probably answer.